How The Nervous System Impacts Infant Sleep and What You Can Do

March 3, 2026

“Sleep when the baby sleeps”. Have you heard this saying before? It sounds like a good idea but in reality what do you do when the baby is sleeping but all you can think about is if they are still breathing, when are they going to wake up, should I be cleaning up the house, and so many more consuming thoughts. Sleep deprivation is a widely recognized experience of new parents during postpartum. Approximately 45% of women report poor sleep quality during pregnancy, and over 60% report poor sleep in the postpartum period. So we know this is a very relevant issue and more support and education is needed in this area.

Guest Speaker

We are joined on this episode by Kaili Ets. Kaili is a pediatric occupational therapist and holistic sleep and reflux specialist. She has over 18 years of experience supporting infants and young children. She combines developmentally appropriate, evidence-informed strategies with a holistic lens to create practical solutions for better sleep, self-regulation, and function. She designed a framework based on the nervous system called the “Rooted in Regulation Map”. It looks at the root cause of symptoms, like sleep difficulties. Her journey in this field started with having her own child. Despite being a pediatric occupational therapist she was shocked at how hard parenting was and felt so unprepared for it. Her son barely slept, hated tummy time, and was a very tense and rigid baby, leading her to consider the nervous system connection.

Nervous system connection

The nervous system allows for communication between the brain and body. It is always asking “Am I safe enough to ____” or “Do I need to stay on alert”. When the nervous system feels safe and supported digestion flows better, sleep comes easier, and muscles relax. When the nervous system is stressed infants have body tension, more wakes at night, more fussiness, and they can struggle with developmental milestones.

Rooted in regulation framework

Think of a tree
Branches are what we see - sleep difficulties, reflux, motor delays, feeding difficulties, mood issues, etc
Trunk - how systems connect to support the branches (body, oral motor coordination, sensory processing, environment)
Roots = regulation begins (3 roots)
- Safety and connection
- Embodiment and flow in the body
- Rhythm and predictability

Signs of nervous system overstimulation

Difficulties with feeding
Hating tummy time despite changing positions
Body tension/rigid babies
Fisted hands
Open mouth posture
Head turning preference
Lots of gas/hard tummy
Only rolling to one side

Sleep is not a skill that can be taught, it is a biological state. Infants need to feel calm and be able to shift from active/calm and rest. Infants have to feel safe enough to let go in order to fall asleep and stay asleep. When your nervous system is heightened you can’t get good sleep!

So what can you do?

Co-regulation!
- We as parents teach our child’s nervous system how to feel safe/calm through connection and showing them what this feels like
- Find your own calm
Humming
- Easily accessible at 3:00 in the morning
- Put one hand on them and hum (vibration is calming)
Baby body tension
- Gentle movement, stretches, and massage
- Feel around their body lightly for tight or hard areas
Sucking is very regulating for the nervous system
- Offering your finger or a pacifier
- Babies who want to be on the boob the whole night
Look at environment and sensory
- Am I too busy during the day and not providing them any calming moments
- Is it too loud
- Do they just need a break
Ask for help and support!
- Hand over the responsibilities so you can get more sleep
Trust your instincts as a parent!
- Don’t fall into social media telling you there is something wrong with you or your baby
- You aren’t failing
- If something is working for your family, keep doing it!
- Only change something when it no longer works
Consistent, relaxing bedtime routine for yourself and baby
Seek emotional support
- Lack of sleep increases risk for mood and depressive disorders

Helpful Links

Kaili Ets pages